So in my previous post I said I’d write more about this, right? About self-love? Or maybe, to get us thinking about what we love about ourselves.
Honesty, the first time I got these questions about what part of me that I loved and three things I loved about myself, I really thought it was great. I mean, oftentimes we tend to find faults within ourselves, right? We keep searching and asking, “What’s wrong with me?” Everything feels so off, it’s as if we can’t be right, then we become restless thinking about our bad sides. Sometimes we find too many things that we don’t like about ourselves that perhaps we end up hating ourselves to some extent. Or perhaps we think that nobody likes us so we conclude that must be because we’re not likable, that it must be because there’s nothing good about us. It’s sad, but I believe it happens to some people. I know sometimes I can’t help thinking that way…
Hence, getting asked about what we love instead is nice. Well, I know some of us might say, “There’s nothing I love about myself” in an instant, you know, like giving it no further thoughts. But, maybe, if we give ourselves more time, like, perhaps we can somehow step back and look at ourselves, and try to find good things within us. I’m not sure if I’m saying this because I’m a narcissist or if I’m just being narcissistic, but I believe it’s important to appreciate the way we are.
Well, I mean, let’s say we really believe that we are a bad person, still, there must be something good about us, right? The fact that we can recognize our weaknesses? The fact that we can admit our faults? I mean, it’s not easy and it takes some courage, so I guess it can be counted as a good thing too? Even the tiniest wish to be a good or better person is a good thing, right? It means no matter how bad we think we are, we still want to be good. This is important because “when there’s a will, there’s a way”, right?
Well, I don’t know, but for me, that question about “what do you love about yourself” is nice. When we are used to thinking negatively about ourselves, somehow that question gives us a chance to think positively about ourselves. Well, I know some people think looking good in ourselves is too narcissistic and not good since we still have a lot to improve, but, depending on how you see it, I think it’s also important. If you can see the good in you, you believe you can do good, then you can do more good. When we believe we are or can be good, then we’ll (try to) do good, no? On the other hand, if we believe we’re utterly bad, maybe we’ll think that it’s useless to even try to do good? I don’t know…
When I got such questions and answered and then someone pointed out that there were still so many things to improve about herself so it’s not good to answer the question, I felt so bad. I couldn’t help thinking, “Am I really that narcissistic that I could answer it “relatively easily”? But, I mean, I don’t know, for me, it’s really not that hard, because for me, a weakness can be a strength, and strengths can be weaknesses. There are at least two sides to everything. I don’t like my weaknesses, but at the same time, perhaps, without them, I cannot find my strengths. So I’m somehow thankful that I have them.
Like, for instance, about the favorite part of myself. Actually I wasn’t sure if this referred to physical appearance or personality. But anyway, I took it as a favorite part of my body. I love my body. Is it wrong to feel that way? Well, some people think it’s too small, chest too flat, unattractive, too thin, etc. But I’m really okay with that. I might have written about it somewhere else, but oh, I feel like I could then focus on other things and turn them into my strengths. Like, people would say, “Despite her small body, etc, she is…” I just want to make sure that I always have something to counter my “negative” sides. But, okay, I don’t think those things are weaknesses or something that I should improve, so maybe they don’t count. But, oh, I love my eyes, ’cause I can see the beautiful world, the beautiful people, so many things to savor with my eyes… And I’m sad that I have to wear glasses now. I don’t like wearing glasses, and I don’t like wearing contact lens either…
And then, about three things I love about myself. I mention 1) I was born poor. Look, poverty is not something to romanticize, so mentioning it maybe is a mistake. People should not live poorly. I know. I’m sorry. But perhaps, this is not something that I love about myself. Perhaps it’s something I am thankful for? I’m not romanticizing this, but being born and growing up poor really teaches me a lot of stuff and helps me appreciate little things that I now have. I just can’t help thinking, had I not been born poor, would I be able to appreciate all these things the same way? Or would I be that kind of brat with privilege who can’t respect others? I know you don’t have to be born poor to sympathize and emphasize with the poor, still, sometimes I doubt I’d be able to do that if things had been different, so I kinda don’t want that because I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to do that.
Secondly, I said I am good at hiding the truth without lying. Like, you might not know who I am, my face, etc., but everything I say here is true. For me honesty is the best policy. Well, I’m not saying I’m that honest honest honest and never lie. But, for me, it’s either I don’t say it or tell it in another way, leave it to people’s interpretation. I guess to some extent it’s a weakness because somehow I feel really bad if I have to lie to people. On the other hand, I think it’s a good thing so I don’t have to lie to people. Confusing? Well, I know I am. Sorry.
Finally, I said I try to fight my negative thoughts. For me, having these negative thoughts is a weakness, and I really hate it. You can’t rest in peace. You overthink things. But you can’t help it. I can’t help it. And I might have written about this before, but I love the fact that I always try to fight them, to counter my negative thoughts. I keep conversing in my head, seeing the negative sides and countering it with the positive and/or neutral sides. Sometimes it’s exhausting but at least it allows me to see things from different perspectives. It helps me be open to various possibilities. So even when I can’t help having these negative thoughts, I can take them as possibilities instead of certainties, and I guess it helps to some extent. And I love this part about me, because, imagine if I give up? Imagine if I have these negative thoughts and become sure that they will happen for sure without looking at other possibilities, a positive alternative? That would stop me from doing several things, and it means it will limit the possibility of something good happening. Am I exaggerating things? Sorry, I am drafting this while listening to some sad music so I can’t really focus… LoL
Anyway, I tried to do the same thing on my Instagram. It flops, actually, ’cause no one responded. But I hope, even though they didn’t respond, it got them to think about the good things about themselves. I hope it could help them see the good in them. I hope somehow it gives them hope and helps them feel good about themselves. And I hope you do too. Well, if somehow you read until this part, perhaps you can also think about it? What do you love about yourselves? 🙂
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