Hola!
I was supposed to post this in June ’cause it’s my birth month, but alas, as usual, I got too busy living my life :p But I’ll try to make it short and to sum it up, I’ve been doing well, so no worries^^ And I was able to spoil myself and celebrate my birthday my own way, so that’s great 😉 [Though actually we don’t really remember or celebrate birthdays in my family. LoL]
Disclaimer before you read further: In this post, I might brag and flex – or maybe complain – a lot. But even if it’s not something to flex about, where I am from, I’ll allow myself to be proud of myself for being able to do all that, so excuse me.
Alright, for my birthday, I bought myself things that I liked or wanted, e.g. a new “expensive” (imo!) jacket and T-shirts (for my next travel), a birthday cake, cakes from a famous shop I could not afford (and I found that I didn’t really like them. LoL), “expensive” food, etc. And, of course I shared some of them with my family^^ Well, I think you should pay attention to the quotation marks in the word “expensive.” I know it’s not that expensive expensive for some people, I might have become a laughingstock of the rich for saying those are expensive. But like I said, they are things that I could have never dreamed of doing as a kid, things I could not afford. For example, as far as I remember, the first time I ate Steak was after I finished my undergraduate degree and started working, and perhaps it wasn’t really Steak steak like real steak. I was born and growing up poor, I hardly ate out ’cause we didn’t have the money. I might have not known certain food existed until I became an adult. Pizza, burger, spaghetti, etc. So to be able to try it once a while now feels like a luxury. And I’m truly grateful that I can now afford them 🙂
But okay, aside from my birthday, June was quite insane. That was because my Mom was gone to stay with my sister for about a month. For context, my brother-in-law was going Hajj, so Mom went to accompany my sister until he was back. My Dad and my brother went with my Mom to send him off but they returned home immediately while my Mom stayed and then they went again to pick up my Mom after my brother-in-law was back from performing Hajj.
It was crazy because then I had to cook, clean up, and still do my work. At that time I was like, “Man, maybe that’s why God made me single. ‘Cause if I got married and my husband would be as clumsy and not helpful, I’d go insane.” Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, meaning I also love my Dad and my brother. My Dad also didn’t ask me to cook early for him. My brother would cook for himself if he wanted to as well. But my Dad was a product of a patriarchal society that made him suck at doing house chores. All he knew was working on the farm to grow the plants and get some money for the family when harvesting. He was patient too, scarcely got mad, even kinda spoiled us, the kids. But yeah, I don’t think it’s enough for a man in this era to be just like that.
Again, it’s kinda mad. It’s not that I couldn’t cook, clean up, etc. No. I mean, I had lived by myself for 6 years in the US and I did just fine. There were times when Mom was hospitalized and I had to take care of her and fam, but it was less than a week. But this time was different. In the US, I just needed to take care of myself. I cooked the food I wanted or felt like cooking. I wasn’t really concerned about whether it would be okay or not to cook something. All that mattered to me was that as long as it could keep me healthy, as long as the nutrition was balanced, as long as I tried to vary my food every now and then, then it’s okay. But taking care of my family for a whole month without anyone sharing the housework is different. When I cooked, I constantly thought about whether they’d like the food or not, I didn’t want them to get bored, etc. Sometimes I was preparing to cook menu A tomorrow, but my Dad would suddenly say to cook more ’cause we needed to feed some other farmers or say that he’s got enough of some meat and lowkey wanted to eat something else, and I was like, “Gosh… okay.” Yeah, I could try but I’d preferably have more time to prepare. I am someone who needs and spends some time preparing!
And daily grocery shopping! Usually I only paid the wifi, electricity, and the monthly grocery shopping like sugar, tea, candies, soap, etc., but then I had to do the grocery shopping daily as well and I was like, “Ok, I guess the living cost was expensive.” And all of these used my own money. Not that I minded, ’cause I didn’t mind spending money for my family, and I was grateful ’cause I did have the money. But I came to think about having to be in such a situation when I’m married, and I was like, “No way.”
I mean, early in the morning, I had to cook ’cause my Dad was used to eating early before leaving to tend the rice fields. Then I had my work to do (unless I wanted to lose my job. LoL). Then in the afternoon, I tried to rest, watch some movie/anime, or clean up the house if I felt like it, then in the evening, if I had some job to do, I worked, and after that I still had to wash or clean the dishes and cooking appliances, if I didn’t get to do it in the morning, to make sure it’s clean and ready to use for tomorrow. At some point it was frustrating that I had to do it all by myself. Doing it for my parents is one thing, but if a man who isn’t willing to share the house chores, expecting me to do all the housework, while I am still the one making a living for the family? Nope, I’d rather stay single. If I get married, I want my husband to share the housework or, if he can’t, he’d better be rich enough to hire some maid, ’cause in my religion, men should provide for the wife. Wives aren’t actually responsible for house chores, etc. Wives are blessed if they do it, but it’s not their responsibility. I think many men in my religion kinda twist this; they expect their wife to do things for them, while at the same time, the men hope to be excused for not being able to provide or do their responsibilities. Well, I’m sorry if this mindset upset some of you, but I hope you get my point: if a man wants a “traditional” wife, he must afford to be a “traditional” husband.
Alright, back to my Dad and my family. Again, my Dad was a loving person. If he wanted to eat A but I cooked B, he wouldn’t complain. If I asked for money for daily groceries, he would give me. If I didn’t cook early, he’d ask my brother (my Dad can’t cook! LoL). But I’m a firstborn, okay? I’m a first daughter of a poor family. We’re wired to put our family first, even before ourselves. We shoulder such a responsibility to take care of the family. “Oh, you can just ignore it.” Or sure I can, but then I’ll feel bad and guilty, and that feeling is not nice. It’s kinda exasperating. And I was tired. And, yeah, I guess this is why if I were reborn, I don’t mind becoming a woman again, be their child again, but ugh, I don’t want to be the firstborn again…
For sure, though, at those moments, my love for my Mom soared even higher. Well, I have always respected and adored my Mom. I believed I would never be greater than her. She’s that amazing! But after having to take care of my Dad and my brother by myself – all while also working and providing for them, I am like, “Nah, I’m not as great as my Mom. And while I love my Dad, being the hardworking, patient, honest, and loving person that he is, I wish to marry someone who would share the housework or would not let me do the housework.” I’ve been studying and working for my fam, when I’m married, I want to be spoiled. If I can’t have that, I’ll be happier single.
Alright, I guess that’s it. I’d like to close this post with great appreciation for my Mom. Wish she knew what I wrote here, but oh, I’ve told her how great she is – along with my complaints about my Dad and my brother – in their presence. Haha It’s not as if I was talking about them behind their back, ’cause of course I communicated these to them as well.
PS: I know I seemed upset and complained a lot here, but I am also thankful that I was capable to do all that (working, cooking, cleaning, etc.) and to pay all that (groceries, my parents’ travel fares, etc.). I’m grateful for myself also, especially for my online jobs^^
