Get to know me: Why?

The other day I played this game where I uploaded a template containing 30 questions and if someone liked that post, I’d answer one question. If I got only 10 likes, then I’d answer only questions 1-10, etc. Alas, I got more than 30 likes, so I ended up posting one of my traveling pics for each like I got after the 30th like ^^ (I was actually worried that someone would check it with Google Image and then find my Instagram, but then I checked it myself using incognito windows and it didn’t seem to appear. I guess it’s because I set my Instagram account private? 😀 )

But, actually, it is not the only time someone shared something like that. Many times they played these games, sharing something like, “Ask me anything and I will answer”, “Ask my favorite three”, “What is your favorite bla bla bla and tag some mutuals to do the same”, etc. with an additional comment “please don’t let this flop”, indicating that they really hope people will play along and ask things about them. And (please don’t hate me🙏🙇‍♀️) sometimes my jerky ass would be like, “Why don’t you just tell us what you want us to know instead of waiting for us to ask the questions?” I know it’s not nice so I’ve never said that. If I were to say that, I’d probably say it to myself. I think I kinda play it “cool” (?), like, if I feel comfortable enough, I’ll ask them questions. I don’t know why, I just don’t want them to feel ignored or left out. I know how miserable it would be… I don’t ask the questions just because, though. I’m not really trying to be nice. When I did ask a question, that’s because it’s really something I want to know. Or, if I think they kinda want fun questions, I want to make sure that they’re having fun answering some interesting or unusual (but hopefully not too personal/private) questions.

But, really, sometimes I can’t help thinking about it. “Get to know me: Why?” Why do they want people to ask questions? It’s mostly fangirling accounts, so I guess we don’t really know each other in person in reality. We just happen to share this similarity of loving the same thing (in my context, it’s mostly about Hey! Say! JUMP, Japanese idols, anime/movies/dramas/etc). So, why? Why do they want to give so much info about them to “strangers”? (I’m sorry for this use of the word “strangers”. I know some people can really find friendship with these people they know just online. I know I do. And they can mean a lot. I know they do. But I guess there’s still a difference from really knowing them in person and having face-to-face daily interaction, etc. So, please forgive and bear with me). So, why? Why do they want to tell about themselves that way?

Well, this is just my thought, and I know I can be wrong. But I guess it’s because it’s human’s need? To be recognized, to be acknowledged, to be cared about, to matter… Some people around us, in reality, might not care anymore about us, about what we like, about our favorites, etc. Well, not because they are bad people or being mean. Perhaps because they are too busy with their own lives and with a lot of stuff going on just like we are ourselves. It’s understandable. Or perhaps they’ve already known about those things, and that’s just it. Perhaps it’s become so mundane for them that it looks like it doesn’t matter anymore when,  in fact, it actually still means a lot to us. Like, they think of it as something ordinary when, to us, it’s actually special. But, like, we don’t want to be too clingy, we don’t want them to think we’re too needy or such an attention seeker, so we try to understand and try our best to not bother them, even though deep down inside, we actually want them to know us better, to ask us questions about ourselves. Hence, since we can’t do it with the real people in our “reality” (for those reasons), we kinda make an escape in social media, in our “alter world”, and have people there “fulfill” those needs: To be recognized, to be acknowledged, to be cared about, to matter… So when they post something like, “Ask me a question” and people ask them questions, they are “happy” ’cause it feels like they matter. I know I’m happy when people ask me questions, even though I know that they might not really want to know or care, but it just feels nice to know that “somebody notices my existence and doesn’t ignore it.” And perhaps that’s it. Some of us just want to make sure that our existence is not that worthless, that we are not that invisible… Perhaps that way we can endure life better? I don’t know.

As for me, I know I keep doing it just because I want to. Like, I keep posting pics even though not everyone likes it. I keep writing captions (including this kind of blogging) even though people might not read it. I keep telling stuff people might not want to know or care about. I keep speaking out my thoughts, about me… Well, I know they don’t always read because sometimes some people still ask me things that I have already said or written, and I’m like, “But I have posted about those…” But, well, I guess I talk too much. I tell people everything when they want to know only few things. Well, I’m not blaming them. But posting and writing like this makes me feel that my existence is “real”. I mean, these writings can’t write or post by themselves, right? Somebody gotta write/post it, and that somebody is me. So, well, this is kinda proof of my existence ^^

Another thing, some people love to post this: “Reply to this with your opinion about me.” Again, my jerky ass be like, “Why do you want people, let alone “strangers”, to judge you?” I mean, we’ve been campaigning to not think too much about what people think or say about us, right? So, why do we want to know what others think about us? Curious? Just to have fun? I’m not judging here, I myself want to know what people think about me. But oftentimes I don’t ask such questions because, well, more than being scared of what they think of me, I guess I’m more scared that they wouldn’t respond at all, i.e. I guess I’m too scared that they’d ignore me. I know I post a lot on Instagram, asking questions, making a poll, etc. but often times I got no responses (I’m so thankful to those who did! Thank you). Well, I know I’m not a famous person, and sometimes people don’t really watch the stories, like they just play it or skip it so even though it looks like they saw it, they didn’t actually see it, hence no response. Well, I try to understand so that my hurt won’t get so sunken. Still, when it flops, I can’t help feeling disheartened…

Well, back to “Why do they want to know others’ opinions about them?” Maybe because they want to know honest opinions from others? Like, maybe it’s easier to be honest when we don’t know the person in real life? Sometimes people sugarcoat their opinions in reality, no? So maybe it’s more honest in the alter world ’cause people can say anything without being accounted to take responsibility for what they say? I don’t know. Or perhaps because they’re actually showing another side of them in the alter world, things they can’t show in their real life? That’s why they want to know others’ opinions about it ’cause they can’t get it in their real life? Or perhaps because if it’s from people we don’t know in person, it won’t hurt as much when they say terrible things but still feel happy when they say nice things about us? I don’t know. These all are just possibilities. I feel bad for making these assumptions, but I guess, instead of assuming things about them, perhaps, in actuality, I’m just analyzing my own feelings and reasons… But that’s it: I guess we just want to know nice things about us. Like, we know we’re imperfect and we’re constantly trying to be a better person. Still, we want to be “appreciated”, to be told some nice things about who and how we are… That’s why we campaign to be kind and nice, no? Or perhaps it’s just me…

By the way, about the 30-like-for-30-question post, it was written in the picture that the template was created by @ blazedrems (I thought I should give them proper credits here). I’m not sure if they took it from Twitter or an Instagram account. I haven’t checked… But anyway, one of my mutual shared it and here are the questions and my answers. (PS: As I am drafting this, I got 37 likes. Wow).

1. Current favorite song
Hey! Say! JUMP – 桜、咲いたよ. I really love it. It must be the effect of # JohnnysWorldHappyLIVEwithYou. Like, Johnny’s finally made a live performance in their official YouTube channel and this is one of the songs that HSJ sang. Somehow it kept ringing in my ears 🙂

2. Middle name 
I answered “Lucky”. Haha I wish. I mean, I don’t have middle names, right? I just have two: First and last names (and they all are given, no family names whatsoever 🙂 )

3. Favorite YouTuber
My answer: Chinen Yuri. Haha Well, I don’t really follow YouTubers. I know Kurt Hugo, Tiffany Alvord, Chester See, but it’s not like they’re becoming my favorites. I don’t even subscribe. I just check them occasionally when I want to. But if Chinen has a channel, he’ll be my fav. I really hope Johnny’s will give him his own channel. I’ll definitely subscribe!

4. Birthday
My answer: I’m a Gemini. As for the date, I’ll just give a clue. Clue: There are at least two Japanese celebrities (1 actor and 1 actress, not idols) who were born exactly on the same day as I was. And oh, one of HSJ members was born in the same month, albeit having different zodiacs.
My, I guess I really don’t want to tell them my birthday. It’s just too much of an info. I know they say that ages don’t matter, and I’m fine too and in fact happy if I find someone my age still fangirling actively and happily. Still, I think I’m judging myself here. Like, thinking of myself as childish or having better or more important things to do. I just don’t want them to judge me the same way…

5. Crushes’ first name
My answer: Hmm, I’m not sure who my first crush was. Like, did I really like him?I remember when I was in elementary school, my cousin teased me with this classmate of ours. He’s married now. But, did I really like him? I don’t know…

6. Favorite perfume
I don’t really wear perfume but I love this body oil my friend gave me 🙂 Like, it really smells good. I usually wear it after a shower and it’s really refreshing 🙂

7. A city you want to visit the most
Kumamoto. I love One Piece, it really gives me a reason to hang onto life, like, I don’t want to die before it ends. In Kumamoto, there are One Piece statues, so I really want to visit 🙂 And, oh, they are making more statues of the Straw Hats!

8. Stan list
Like, Hey! Say! JUMP? I think right now I care about Hey! Say! JUMP the most. Like, if there are free concerts from HSJ and other idols at the same time but at different places/venues, I’d definitely go to JUMP’s stage to see them. I guess I really love them 🙂 Other than that, I also love Yonezu Kenshi, GReeeeN, Generations, Simple Plan, etc.

9. Favorite part of yourself
Like body part? Personality? Hmm, this is a good question cause we often see faults in ourselves, but now I have to find one that I like the most. Gotta steal this for my IG story post. Haha But, oh, I think I love my eyes, but now I have to wear glasses 🙁 I love my eyes because I can see the world. It’s beautiful 🙂 By the way, I’m going to write more about this question in another post.

10. Dream job
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a flight attendant so I could travel the world, but I guess I was too short n wasn’t pretty enough so I changed. Now I wish I could do nothing but still get a lot of money. How? Please tell me 😂🙈😅

11. Favorite restaurant
Actually I rarely eat out ’cause it’s expensive n I need to save so I can travel. I love In n Out burgers, though. But I guess it’s not a restaurant?

12. Last text/Snapchat
I don’t have Snapchat, but this is my last Whatsapp text. Context: my friend is in a high-risk category for Corona. I gave her some tea. She said she loved it.

13. Favorite soda
I don’t really drink or like Soda. But I guess Coca Cola? There was this childhood memory where I looked so happy drinking Coca Cola. Some male friends took it from me and I cried. LoL (Actually I cried for a short time, but then they looked so scared so I cried longer). It happened when I was in elementary school. Coca Cola was such a luxury for us. And the one I brought to school might not have been the real Cola. I guess it’s just the bottle, my Mom filled it with tea. But, well, those boys gotta learn their lesson, right? I guess they’re scared that the teacher would punish them if I cried a lot, so I made sure to keep crying even after I wasn’t mad anymore :p

14. What you find most attractive in people
Personality? And brain. By brain, I don’t mean smart, cause I believe nobody is stupid. What I mean is their efforts to attain that knowledge. Cause I know so little so people who know a lot of stuff (n still behave) amaze me. Also, kindness&confidence. ‘Cz I lack of it.
Well, this is actually a difficult question. Because for me, it’s always a combination of a lot of things. But I love cool people. About what makes them cool, it depends on the timing and momentum, so I can’t really say…

15. Favorite music genre
Pop? A friend told me Pop came from “Popular” so basically any popular music is Pop. But for me, it really depends on my mood. Like, I can’t really tell the difference. Music is just music for me, so when I listen n I think it’s good, then I like it, don’t care bout genre.

16. Hogwarts house
Between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. I just don’t see myself as a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Or perhaps I just don’t want to be one… I mean, Gryffindor is too angelic for me, while Hufflepuff is, well, yes I like reading books, but maybe not as much as and not as knowledgeable as a true Hufflepuff…

17. Favorite vacation spot
I love Nature. Mountains, beaches, lakes, forests, waterfalls, etc. I think they are beautiful n refreshing. But I love new places, so even though it’s not “Nature” if it’s a place I don’t know or haven’t been to, I’ll be excited to explore. But, oh, other than that, I’m actually a homebody. I love to stay at home. That’s why this whole self-quarantine thing due to Corona is not really a big thing for me, even though it can be stressful at times, because, well, being home because you want to be home is different from having to be home because you are not allowed to go outside, right?

18. Favorite store
I don’t like shopping. So maybe my favorites are grocery stores? Or Amazon or eBay. Or thrifty stores ’cause I am “cheap”. PS: But I love to get my shoes at Ross ’cause the price is much lower. And my favorite grocery stores are Fry’s and sometimes Walmart. But at home, it’s the traditional market.

19. Favorite potato chip flavor
Barbeque? Or original :/ (There is the original flavor, right? I’m not too explorative about the flavors.

20. First name of your irl (in reality) best friend
Ardhana. She’s kinda the first person who gave me a birthday present.Well, I wanted to mention another name too but I guess we just grew apart, like, I don’t feel like she still cares about me or thinks of me as her best friend anymore, or maybe it’s just me myself. I don’t know, but I guess she still matters a lot cause it’s still painful to think about it…

21. Describe your dream partner
Someone who will be happy with me, will make me happy, and I can make happy. I believe a healthy relationship should bring happiness to both parties. But can I marry someone kind, rich, good-looking, smart, great at cooking, and who loves me? Maybe he doesn’t exist? 😂🙈😅 But really, I want somebody who can accept me the way I am (with my family too). Someone who can convince me that he really loves me and wants to be with me… But maybe he exists only in my dream, so that’s why it’s called “dream partner”? I’m not sure if there’s anyone who’ll really love me like that…

22. Three things you love about yourself
1. I was born poor. This teaches me a lot of stuff n helps me appreciate little things that I now have. 2. I am good at hiding the truth without lying. Like, u might not know who I am, my face, etc., but everything I say here is true. 3. I try to fight my negative thoughts. (Am I actually narcissistic to be able to write these? I guess I’ll talk about it more in another post…)

23. Least favorite song by the #1 artist(s) you stan
I haven’t listened to all JUMP’s songs, especially some from the past when I still wasn’t a fan, so I can’t decide which one is my least favorite.

24. Celebrity crush
Aside from Chi n JUMP? Hmm Japanese actors: Ikuta Toma, Kamiki Ryu. Hollywood actors: Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves, Bradley James. Korean actors: Lee Dong Wook, Choi Daniel. Others: Brendon Urie, BSB. Wait, I thought I had a lot. Haha

25. Natural hair & eye color
Black. But it’s not pitch black or pure black. How do I say it, light black? Like, it’s black but somehow kinda brownish? But it’s not brown or red. Just black but not sharp/dark black. Well, u know…something like that.

26. Favorite article or clothing
Jacket/jumpers. I think they are cool. Also, sneakers. Previously I didn’t really pay attention to brands, my shoes didn’t really have brands. But in 2014, I got a pair of Skechers n found it so great. So now I kinda become a fan but buy it only in Ross for lower prices. By the way, I wanted to answer “hijab”, but I guess it’s too expected. I mean, it’s something I always wear but it’s not really my favorite, I guess?

27. Favorite album ever
I haven’t listened to all HSJ albums (please don’t hate me, I’m new, n I want to take my time), so I can’t decide the best from them. But I love Simple Plan. The 2008 album. I think it’s cool. They simply knew the songs I want somebody to sing for me, or those I want to sing.

28. Most used app
Twitter/Instagram/Whatsapp/Music App.

29. Drink order at Sonic and/or Starbucks
I don’t remember buying drinks at Sonic, but I did go to Starbucks. I don’t go often, though. It’s too expensive n perhaps overrated? (Or maybe I’m just poor. LoL) But what I remembered ordering at Starbucks is espresso. Not really a fan of coffee, but I prefer making my own. But, ugh, I just remembered that once my friend and I went to Sonic’s drive-through during our road trip, can’t remember that we ordered, though. She’s the one taking care of it, and I paid it to her later.

30. Favorite holiday
Summer? As long as its not winter. I don’t like winter break ’cause I don’t like cold. The day is short. The night is too long. The options are really limited, n it’s hard to take good pics. But, oh, two of my favorite trips: The Europe trip in 2018 and the East Nusa Tenggara trip in 2017 😉

My, that’s it. If you have more questions, let me know. I can’t guarantee that I’ll always answer, but I guess it’s nice to know that people want to know more about me? Yeah, I’m annoying. Sorry.