But anyway, actually I’ve been meaning to write about this since long time ago, but somehow when I got what to write in my head I just didn’t have time or the mood to write, and when I did have time to write, the ideas just wouldn’t come to my head, so I had to let this sit on the draft for some time. But, well, I’ve been watching a drama that reactivated my second lead syndrome, that’s why I’m now posting it here. I don’t actually have time, but it’s been a while since I posted and it’s my head, so now I’m making time to write this.
Ok, before talking about the second-lead syndrome, maybe I’ll talk about the drama first. It’s a Japanese drama called Silent. Meguro Ren from Snow Man starred in it (that’s how I knew about this drama and why I decided to watch it. LoL [Yes, I know I owe you a post about Snow Man, please wait a bit more🙏]). It’s available on Rakuten! VIKI for free if you want to watch it, by the way. Currently, it’s still ongoing, and I’ve watched 6 episodes, so there might still be turns of events in the next episodes. But, well, let me talk about it for a bit ’cause there’s no way I can talk about second-lead syndrome by referring to this drama without talking about the characters or the story. If you want to watch and hate spoilers, however, you can skip the next paragraphs and jump to the last ones.
Spoilers (?): Silent drama is a story about Sou and Tsumugi who got connected through music, fell for each other, and dated since high school. Approaching graduation, however, Sou starting to lose his hearing and when he learned about this he one-sidedly cut ties with everyone he knew (including his best friends), hoping they didn’t learn about his hearing loss. He also broke up with Tsumugi saying there was someone he liked. Time passed, Tsumugi was now working, and she met her high school friends in a school reunion, where she met Minato. Minato was Sou’s and Tsumugi’s close friends. Prior to the reunion, they didn’t contact each other. But after the reunion, they got closer and started dating. Mind you, Minato actually liked Tsumugi since high school, but he knew that Tsumugi and Sou liked each other, so he held back as he was just happy to see both his best friends were happy. He wanted both Sou and Tsumugi to be happy. (Ok, now you might already be able to see where this is going: Minato is my angel second-lead guy in this drama. He’s actually too good to be true, but I’m really rooting for him to be happy!!!).
Anyway, they’d peacefully dated for three years when they accidentally reunited with Sou and learned about his hearing loss. Ok, now you can guess how it goes, right? To be honest, I don’t really like this kind of plot or storyline. Someone broke your heart, and it took you some time to heal. You finally moved on and found someone who truly loved you and made you feel loved, and then that someone from the past came back, and suddenly you’re in limbo, like, ugh!!! Up to eps 6, this is not how it is, though, but somehow I feel that it’s going to that direction. LoL
Well, I don’t know how it feels to lose my hearing, so I really can’t judge Sou with the decisions he made. However, when I think of myself as Tsumugi, I can’t help thinking it’s too selfish. Let’s say he didn’t want Tsumugi to be sad when learning about his hearing loss, or maybe he’s scared that Tsumugi would leave him once she knew about it, I don’t know, but I think it’s always better to communicate it. If Tsumugi left him just because he couldn’t hear anymore, then maybe she’s not the one for him. But to be left alone without enough explanation, making you question what you might have done wrong, can really be painful, you know. Besides, who is he to think he knows what’s best for Tsumugi??? This is what makes me upset when Sou left Tsumugi one-sidedly.
That’s also why I was super mad when watching episode 4. After reuniting with Sou, Minato decided to break up with Tsumugi, and I was like, “What the hell?” It’s just…damn! I knew it would happen, though. I knew it when the preview after the previous episode showed that he said he’s got a favor to ask. BUT SOMETIMES I WANT TO BE PROVEN WRONG, YOU KNOW! Can I rant about this now?! Jeez!
Honestly, I don’t care about whoever Tsumugi would choose. The heart wants what it wants, right? It’s not like we can love someone because our logic tells us to. It’s not like Tsumugi must choose Minato because he’s always been there for her. So if in the end, she decides to leave Minato and choose to get back with Sou, I’m all okay. All I wanted was for Minato to not turn to be the bad guy. All I wanted was for him to finally be happy. But this is not the way I wanted it to go.
I hate the way these men, both Sou and Minato, think they could decide what’s best for the girl, what would make her happiest, or such. LET HER DECIDE HERSELF, DAMN IT! She’s a woman. She’s not a thing. And she’s not their possession! And gosh, Minato, what happened is not his fault! He doesn’t have to play the hero. He doesn’t have to make any more sacrifices. He’s allowed to be selfish and fight for the one he loves. Though I understand it must hurt to not feel loved by the one we love, to think we’re in the way of their true happiness, but, gosh, I said it before but Minato is too good to be true. LoL
But okay, this is fictional. I know. I was still mad at him, though. LoL I thought it was going to be different. I thought she’d stick with Minato and they two would end up together. I thought it ain’t gonna be like those stories where someone got brokenhearted, moved on, and then got disconcerted when someone from their past came back. I mean, it’s ok if the new guy is a jerk, but Minato is NOT. So why should he be the one to let go?! Even Tsumugi didn’t want to break up with him!!! So yeah, I was so upset. What he did is just the same as what Sou did. They both didn’t give her room to think and decide for herself. They both think they can decide and think for her. They both think they know what’s best for her. NO, THEY DO NOT. DAMN IT!
But well, after watching episode 5, I sort of understood Minato better, though. At least he communicated his feelings to Tsumugi properly and nicely. He’s being honest, no sweet talk, no lies. I feel like I can understand and relate to him. And after episode 6, I love him even more (because there’s this other girl who liked Sou, but all she did was gaslighting, guilt-tripping, being so manipulative, I just don’t like her, though I can sorta understand why she did what she did. Still, …at least Minato didn’t do anything mean or dirty like that!). Well, like I said, I can relate to Minato. It must be painful to think that the person you love actually loves someone else and will be happier with them. It’s hard to think they stay with you only because they feel grateful to you or feel sorry for you. It’s not easy. You believe that they deserve someone better and that you can never be that person. You cannot believe that they actually love you. Well, I know it’s our own insecurity, and we can’t blame it on someone else, but it’s something we keep struggling with every day ’cause it’s an inner conflict where we are actually battling our own self.
So yeah, I feel like I can understand and relate to Minato and other second-lead characters that are often not chosen in the end. And I always root for them to be happy. Like Minato in Silent drama, for example, I know it’s not the end yet, and I believe there’s room for character development, so I might change my mind later. But for now, I am really rooting for him to be happy. I’m okay with whoever Tsumugi chooses, but I want Minato to be happy. He’s always been there for her, no questions, no judgment. Just be there, supporting her, making her smile and laugh, making her happy. He deserves someone who can genuinely love him, make him happy, and be happy with him.
And maybe that’s why I tend to have a second-lead syndrome or wish for the second lead to be happy. It’s because I can easily see myself being one and I hope to be happy. Not sure if I said it before; I might have and maybe I haven’t, but, you know, people can think of me as a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, a good teacher, etc., but NEVER as a good romantic partner. I feel like nobody can actually have a romantic interest in me. I’m not blaming it on them, though. I know I can be too serious, I’m not that pretty either. Though some people have told me I’m beautiful recently, I often feel that if there’s someone else, I feel that someone will always be more beautiful or attractive than me. In a group of girls, I won’t be the one someone notices or is romantically interested in. It could be my own insecurity, though. But in my defense, that insecurity has built up from my experiences and how people have made me feel. It’s not as if it will be gone in a blink of an eye, right? It’s not as easy as falling off a log!
So yeah, I’m rooting for the second lead because I hope that I, too, will be chosen someday, that I too will find someone who’ll love me and make me feel loved, someone who’ll make me happy and be happy with me. I root for the second lead because I hope I can also have the courage to love and fight for the person I love. I side with them because I, too, hope to find someone who can see me not only as a good friend or person who is always supportive and being there when they’re in need but also as someone they love, want, and want to be with, someone that’s not an option, someone that is chosen not because they can’t get the one they actually wanted. I want the second lead to be happy because I want to be happy too. I don’t want them to be sad because I share their pain and frustration. I can feel how painful it is for them and how powerless they are. In short, perhaps, I tend to have second-lead syndrome because when it comes to romance, I myself am also that second-lead character who’ll always be in the shadow, who will not get chosen in the end…
Reading this post, I wonder if it’s actually embarrassing? Maybe I’m just being bitter? Well, I don’t know, but the chance is that nobody reads it anyway. And even if somebody does, this is not something I should be embarrassed about, right? I’m just being honest, I am not actually harming anyone or talking bad about them, right? I don’t know why I should worry about how people might think when they read this, but, hey, maybe, even if the chance is low, who knows that someone can actually relate to me? And if by reading this, they don’t feel so alone anymore, then I guess I’m doing the right thing by posting this? I don’t know. Nobody cares to let me know, anyway….
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