Dramas and MoviesIntroductionJ-Movies

Love: Is it fate or a choice we make?

At Tumpak Sewu waterfall, in my hometown, Indonesia.

I’m not really going to review a movie actually. It’s just that watching these two movie makes me think or contemplate about my own love life. And, actually I wanted to include these movies in the previous post (here!) but somehow I wrote too long so I guess I’ll just write them separately. Well, the first is still of Kamiki Ryunosuke. At first, I was like, “Why would he act in a romance?” I mean, I love it when he’s in a comedy. Nevertheless, I was curious too, so I decided to watch it. And I’m like, “Damn, he’s really good.” He can be serious, too! Haha I really love him 😊

But, anyway, the movie that makes me think about my own love life (as if I had any, right? LoL) is Fortuna no hitomi/Fortuna’s eye. It’s completely fictional actually. Like, it’s impossible to happen in real life. Someone having the ability to know that someone’s about to die? Give me a break! But that’s not the point, it’s more like about fate or destiny. Or the choice that we make. Which is wrapped in/through a romance in this movie.

Again, I don’t have much to say about this movie aside from that it’s great, I love it, and I really love the twist and the revelation at the end. It’s really unexpected and unpredictable. I love everything about it. However, there are two things that I’d love to address, two things that makes me think about myself. My life. My love life. Well, I’m usually not the type to talk about my own romance or how I truly feel about it here or somewhere else, but I guess, maybe nobody reads my blog anyway, so perhaps, when I’m gone someday, someone will somehow stumble upon this writing and perhaps understand me better. But anyway, those two things are: 1) The movie poses a question: if everything has been destined, why do we still have to make a choice? And 2) It seems that everything has been fated since the beginning, like life of the two characters in this movie and how they’ve actually been connected since the very beginning.

Anyhow, I remember this Indonesian FTV (television movie) I watched long time ago. It told a story of two people. One believed in fate/destiny, the other believed in efforts. The two “accidentally” met in a local transport. One “fell in love at the first sight” with the other so he asked for her number. However, instead of giving him the number, she wrote it in the paper money (cash) she used to pay for her fare, and she said something like, “If you really think it’s efforts and not destiny, then you can try to make efforts to find this money and get my number. If we’re destined to meet again, you’ll get it and we’ll meet again.” Meanwhile, the guy kept trying to find the money and believed that “There’s no such thing as destiny, I’d find that money and get your number.” Well, actually I don’t remember who believed what or if they ended up together, but more or less, in general, that’s what I remember the most: fate or efforts? It gets me to think about my faith and it’s actually both.

Destiny. My faith/religion teaches me to believe in fate/destiny, and that everything has been written in this book called Lauhul Mahfuz or the Book of Decree. Everything has been fated even before we’re born into this world. Nevertheless, my religion also teaches me that “God won’t change your fate if you don’t make efforts to change it yourself.” More or less. It’s in the Qur’an. So why should we make efforts if everything has been written? Why do we have to make a choice? Won’t it be in vain?

Well, there’s this similar question I read some time ago, “If everything has been written in Lauhul Mahfuz, why do we still make wishes and pray?” The answer is so touching, relieving, and heartwarming for me: Maybe in some of those pages, God wrote: “As you wish.” It really struck me. I’ve never really thought of it that way before, but I still pray anyway. And, there are times when I feel like asking for nothing for I think God has given me so much, but that answer kinda gives me courage to ask God for something I really wish without feeling ungrateful, and without thinking that He won’t grant it, because the truth is: He might. And if we don’t ask Him, who else should we ask, right? So, why should we make a choice if everything has been fated? Well, maybe it has similar answer. Maybe the fate is optional, too. Like, “if you do this, this is what will be granted to you. If you do that, this is your grant. Etc.” That’s why we should make a choice? That’s why we should make efforts? That’s why we should keep making wishes and praying to him? I don’t know, but I guess that’s quite the answer so that we won’t think that everything we do will go down the drain.

At Uni of Melbourne.

Then, love. I am taught that God created us in pairs. I’m not sure if I believe it or if I just want to believe it, being single my whole life. Sometimes I think, maybe he’s somewhere out there? Have we actually met? Or, has he actually been dead and that we’re going to meet in another life, like the afterlife? I’m also taught that a good person will be paired with a good person, too. And sometimes I wonder, am I just not good enough? Is he really that great that the current me is not enough? Of course I try my best to live my single life, to keep the hope up there, to keep believing that someday we’ll meet, to look at the bright sides, and to always be thankful with everything I don’t and do have. But sometimes I’m just like, “Well, if he doesn’t come, that’s also alright.” And I feel bad and guilty because it sounds like I’m losing hope and doesn’t trust God. So, I just hang on, and write the possible stories in my head.

Well, the thing is, I think I’m making things complicated. I just make it difficult for me. Like, my imagination is kind of wild, childish, and too movie/drama-like. For instance, I sometimes wonder, what if there’s actually someone paying attention to me, observing me, getting interested in me, and finally falling in love with me, maybe when I’m walking down the street, maybe when I’m smiling while listening and singing to my favorite songs, or maybe when I’m just being serious with my thoughts? But if that really happens, that will be creepy, right? To have a stranger stalk or observe you…It’s creepy.

Sometimes I think, what if when I’m traveling, I run into someone, we talk, and he falls in love with me and says he wants to marry me? But if that happens, it’ll be like a joke, right? It’s just creepy. You don’t fall in love with or marry someone without really knowing them, right? It’s just impossible. I mean, it will be hard to believe that he’s actually serious and that his feeling is true. It can be just a spur of a moment where one gets carried away, right? I mean, marriage for me is for a lifetime. Maybe I’m taking it too seriously, but it’s really a serious thing for me. I cannot jeopardize my future just because I feel happy for an instant, right? But, see? I’m just making things complicated and hard for myself-or maybe for someone who has interest in me, if any. No wonder I’m single. LoL

But I do believe in destiny. In miracles. It’s just that I find it hard to believe that such miracles or beautiful destiny will happen to me… It feels like impossible. Well, of course there’s nothing impossible if God’s willing. But will that be fair for others, though? I want so much, but there’s a much greater person than me, will that be okay, though? I don’t know, but maybe that’s the idea of destiny when it comes to me. Like, if it’s impossible but it still happens, maybe that’s what we call destiny or fate? I mean, I didn’t think it’s possible for me to study abroad and travel the world back then, but I’m doing it, so I guess it has been fated? ^^ And perhaps, if it happens like a series of coincidences, maybe it will make me think that it’s actually fated? I mean, coincidences can’t happen for more than once, right? Or maybe it can, but if it happens more than once, maybe that’s a sign from the universe? Damn, why would I let universe control my own fate when I can manage it myself, right? Gosh, I guess it’s just my love life that I have to figure out just yet 😊

Me at Port Arthur, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia.

Speaking of which, it reminds me to the second movie I’d love to talk about: 青夏/Ao Natsu. Actually there weren’t actors that I particularly liked in this movie. I watched it purely because I was purely interested in the story after reading the synopsis. So there was this girl who believed in fated encounter, but unfortunately she didn’t end up with the guy that I picked in that movie. But, oh, well, I loved it that the guy I loved was a good guy. He didn’t force it on her. Some might think he didn’t try hard enough but for me he’s the kind of guy I wanted to fall in love with, and to be honest, I thought he was the one that was actually fated for her. Why? Well, this girl was tagged by her friends to a match-making meeting (I think it’s pretty common in Japan, you know, to have single girls and single boys meet in a meeting and see if they could continue for a date or such). I myself couldn’t imagine myself joining such events, because that’s not how I want my destiny to happens, but oh well, when this girl enthusiastically talked about the fated encounter she believed in, everyone laughed at her thinking it was too fairy-tail like, except this one guy I fell in love with. At that moment, I was really hoping she would end up with him. I mean, while everyone thought she was ridiculous, this guy took her seriously and thought she was interesting. I think, to have someone fall in love with our weirdness is really a destiny. If they can accept how weird we are, then we don’t have to fake who we are or pretend to be someone we’re not, right? And I think that’s how destiny should be. But this girl went to his grandma’s house in the suburb for summer break, where she thought she met the guy of her destiny, her fated encounter. Guess what? My guy (let’s call him Guy A) even made real efforts to join her friends to give her a short visit during that summer break, but she just didn’t think he was the one, and the one meant for him was the other guy (Guy B).

Well, this gets me to think that, perhaps, we see and understand this idea of destiny differently. Like, for me, my Guy A might have been the girl’s destiny: he loved her when people think she’s weird, he made efforts to make her love him. That’s how it should be. But, for the girl, Guy B was her destiny. She met him when she first arrived at the village, and later she found out that he was the guy who helped her grandma in her house. And a lot of things happened, they grew closer, and got fond of each other. What is it if not destiny? But again, I’m saying this as an outsider. Perhaps if I’m the one who’s actually experiencing it like the girl, maybe my evaluation would be different, maybe I’d fall in love with Guy B, too. I don’t know. Like, I chose Guy A with my logic and perhaps because I have personal preference towards him, like looks, personality, attitude, etc. But we fall in love with our heart, right? Sometimes we just don’t want to fall in love with a certain someone, but we love him anyway. The heart wants what it wants, right? And, well, even though I personally preferred Guy A, if they weren’t destined, then they wouldn’t be together, right? Still, we make efforts. I think we must make efforts so we can find out if it’s meant for us or not. So we won’t have no regrets. Like, we can say something like, “I’ve tried. Hard enough. But it just ain’t for me.” If we make no efforts, it would be something like, “How do you know that it’s not meant for you? You don’t even give it a try.” But, oh, well, if it’s meant for us, it will be ours. Like, this movie. It’s just of a certain length of time. Who knows that after the movie ended, sometime in the future, the destiny actually wanted the girl to be with my Guy A, right? We wouldn’t know. But again, I’m saying this as an outsider.

It actually makes me wonder, how would I react if my life is filmed and I get to see it as an outsider? Well, I know that it’s probably gonna be boring, but I’m really curious: Will my opinion about the people I know be the same as the one I’m having now? Will I think differently? Like, what I’m thinking now might be biased and tampered by my personal experience and all those things I don’t know. But if I get to see it as an outsider, maybe I’ll be able to see it more objectively? Like, will I be able to say, “Hey, that person is not as nice as you think.?” Or, perhaps, “Hey, you know, that guy isn’t that bad. He actually cares for you.” Things that I won’t be able to see as I am now. I think it’s quite intriguing, especially if I have to think about my love life. Haha

But, well, I have all these scenarios in my head, like the possibilities how my love life might happen later, so many to a point that I find them silly. Like, for instance, maybe someone actually reads my blog and falls in love with me? Maybe it’s you? Haha Well, I’m just talking about possibilities. I don’t like to be bitter; that’s why I want to have some fun at least in my head. I mean, even if they don’t happen in my reality, at least I can visualize it my head, at least I can make them happen in my mind. So, well, let’s just try to be a better person, wait for him, and see how he actually is later ^^ Even if it doesn’t happen to me before I’m gone, even if he doesn’t come up, that’s alright, too. It’s not like I’m being sinful or committing a crime just because I’m single, right? It’s not like I harm or put others at disadvantage by being single, right? So, let’s see if what’s been taught to me is actually true. If there’s a pair created for me. If there’s someone fated to be my destiny. If the path I’m taking actually leads me closer to my destiny or if it pulls me away from it. Wish me the best. Wish me luck 😊

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