Hi, it’s been a while. Fall has started; it’s the fifth week of Fall semester now. Many things have been going on; I’ve been wanting to post since there are so many things I want to write but I simply couldn’t make time. It feels like I’m always short on time. I wish I could just have more time. But anyway, enough with my excuses. I think I’m going to add to my dream journal to “restart” my blog. This is going to be my second entry in this category.
Long story short, two days ago, I woke up with this warm feeling in my heart. I felt so happy. I had a dream.
I was in a place, something like a green park with a playground. The playground, however, seemed like a kindergarten or a place for the kids to play and learn. The sun shined bright but it wasn’t hot. It was warm.
I had no idea why I was there. All I knew was that I seemed to enjoy playing with the kids. They seemed to enjoy playing with me too. There were all smiles and laughter, a true happiness.
Fast forward, I talked to someone. I couldn’t remember well but I guess it’s a woman, maybe the teacher? The principal? An officer? I don’t know. But then some kids (I guess two) came and asked me to play with them. It felt like we loved each other so much, but I knew there were not my kids.
Fast forward, I didn’t know where the kids were going. I guess I was alone when a car came by. It was a beautiful day and the driver stopped and get off the car. And I didn’t know why, there were suddenly a couple, two familiar married people, I’m not sure if they were my friends, my cousin, or my uncle with his wife. I don’t know. It’s weird; I couldn’t even remember their faces, but in the dream, I knew they were not strangers. I felt close enough to them.
The thing is that it turned out that the guy who just came with the car came to pick us up or gave us a ride. And I don’t know why I felt so shy. So very very shy. So when he asked us to get on the car, I thought I was going to sit in the back seat. But guess what? The couple that I talked about earlier didn’t let me. They wanted me to sit in the front beside the driver-beside the guy. I became even shyer. But strangely, I wasn’t mad, not even upset; I was happy. I blushed. Hell I don’t know why.
Well, actually I knew. In my dream, I felt like I liked the guy. It seemed that I was engaged to him, though I had no idea how we got to know each other and how we could get engaged. All I knew was that I was happy with the fact that we were engaged. Dreams are surely weird. But sometimes I’m happy with this weirdness. At least I knew that I felt warm in that dream of mine.
So I got onto the front seat beside the driver seat. I blushed. I kept silent. My heart beat faster. Well, you know, all those things that happened when you just fell in love with someone; somehow you couldn’t really get a hold of yourself when you’re physically near them yet you felt strangely (or familiarly? Expectedly?) blissful. All those things. So when he got onto his driver seat, my heart raced even faster while I tried my best to stay composed. And the married couple? Of course they were gone. Not sure if it’s because it’s a dream where weird things happened so they just disappeared or, maybe because, you know, they say when you’re in love, it felt like you and your partner were the only couple in the world; nobody else existed; the world belonged to you two. Maybe that’s how it was. I’m not sure because when I’m not dreaming I know I’m always aware of everybody’s presence around me.
But anyway, I got this feeling that he was the right man for me. I got this warm feeling, in which I was sure with him. It felt like he was the one I was willing to marry, tolerate, and compromise with. I was sure he was a good guy. I was convinced that we’d build a happy family together. Well, if you knew me, you must have known that I am (a bit) “conservative”. For me, marriage is not only about love. Love fluctuates so you also need commitment, tolerance, and compromises. You just need to find the right person you’re willing to go through all that with. And in my dream that very night, he was the one.
Fast forward-by fast forward I mean I don’t know how it came to this point, I suddenly asked how or why he was sure with me. He said it’s because I trusted the kids. Then the threads were unraveled; i.e. it felt like the kids (in the playground) were trying to tell something to an adult but nobody believed them. But I did. It felt like the kids had gone missing but because I trusted them, I could find them. Yes I know this doesn’t make sense. Were the kids actually kidnapped and I was their savior? It’s illogical indeed. I don’t even have a slightest idea about the relationship between the kids and this very guy I was very sure to spend the rest of my life with. But that’s the unique thing about a dream, no? It’s not about what, how, or how something happened; it’s about how those things made us feel. And surprisingly, though I had very little knowledge about him, I had no doubt that he was the right man for me. I wasn’t afraid or worried that something would go wrong with him later. I believed him. Strange, yet I felt so happy. I felt trusted. I felt respected. I felt appreciated. I felt worthy. I mean, I know I’m not the best person in the world, but it felt like he was okay with everything I was; he made me feel like I really mattered. I felt truly loved.
Too bad I can’t even remember how he looked. I didn’t even know his name. I didn’t even get to know how we met and got engaged. All I remember was the warm feeling he’s given me. Funny, isn’t it? We were not that close but we were getting married. It’s hard to imagine this in my real life.
But I am glad that I had that dream. It made me feel warm. It’s just a dream but at least it’s real; i.e. it happened. The feelings I felt were real. It’s not my imagination or a fantasy that I consciously created on my own. It’s not a daydream. It’s a real dream. Something that really happened in another world of mine-my dream. I wish somehow I could have the same dream or maybe continue the dream? I want to at least thank him for believing in me.
PS: I don’t remember how the dream ended. The last scene was us together, him driving, and me blushing on the front seat.