Soooo, I want to post something, but I got stuck. I’m blank. So I think I’ll just expand the idea of some captions that I’ve posted on my Instagram. (I guess you’ve already known that I often do it, right? It’s just so easy to pour my thoughts on IG; unfortunately the characters allowed there are quite limited 😔)
Anyway, today I’ll post about human relationship. Disclaimer: I’m not an expert either in human relationship or chemistry. This is just my own thought, maybe trying to sound cool or something, but sometimes I can’t help wondering about it. (But you can skip the next five paragraphs. LoL)
So yeah, to some extent, I think human relationship works quite like chemistry. Well, humans themselves are like chemistry. Personally I believe that we all have the same substances, but perhaps different in terms of temperature, concentration (amount?), etc. E.g., everyone can get angry. Some get angry more quickly, and for some, it takes the whole world to end to get them angry. Isn’t it like chemistry? You know, like you can have the same sugar and water, but you know sugar dissolves faster in hot water than in cold water. Am I making any sense? And I think human relationships are like that, too. E.g., just because I can’t have a good relationship with A, it doesn’t mean you or anyone else won’t have a good relationship with A either. And vice versa, just because someone or you don’t have a good relationship with B, it doesn’t mean I won’t have a good relationship with them either. You know HCL, NaCl, and NaH? Let’s say we have H, Cl, and Na. But see what happens when they connect with one another. HCL is a strong acid. NaCl is kinda neutral. And NaH? A strong base. When we connect with people, it’s like that. Sometimes we don’t know which substance will react with what and what kind of reaction will happen. So yeah, sometimes it’s kinda a trial-and-error thing, because sometimes we don’t like the reaction that happens, and sometimes it results in something that we don’t desire. Well, life is full of mystery, huh? Humans are mysterious too. Well, I’m not sure if I explain it well enough, maybe I’m just trying too hard to sound like a smartass. And if someone with expertise in that area reads my blog, maybe they’ll roll their eyes. But wait, maybe I’m wrong, but not so wrong, I guess? Suddenly I remember that motivation comparison of carrot, egg, and coffee. You know how they say that carrots when boiled becomes soft, eggs become hard, but coffee dissolves and spreads the fragrance? So, yeah, maybe we are different; some of us are carrots, some are eggs, some are coffee, etc. We react differently to the same situation, to the same place, to the same people. But back to what I said about us having the same substances and let’s use that comparison of carrots, eggs, and cofffee. Do you know that they all contain protein and carbohydrates? But different amount. So yes, I mean, there are things we share in common, but in different ways, and that’s why we react differently. Ugh, forget it, maybe I’m babbling because I just want to post something for my blog but I just don’t know what to write. I do have some ideas in my draft but I want to work on them properly.
[You can start reading here!]
So, well, the background of story for this curiousity about human relationship and chemistry is, have you ever experienced getting along with someone but you found out that they are actually also close to and get along very well with someone that you don’t like? Then you wonder why. Usually, when we like X, get along with X, and dislike Y, maybe we’ll tend to find that we and X like the same things, so perhaps they also dislike Y. So why do they like Y when you don’t like Y? I mean, being neutral about Y is a different thing, but liking Y when you dislike them is a bit, well, …
So yes, I wonder about this. But please know that I have no problems with that. I know that we, every one of us, is both the same and different, and that’s why we should not force our views on others. Yeah, now I remember why I wanted to write this. I guess I just don’t like it when people try to tell me who I can or cannot get along or be friends with. I mean, I am not really the type who has “a circle” or a “gang” or a “clique” or such things. I love to be friends with anyone I want and not restricted to only certain friends. I’m a girl of my own, I “worship” freedom. And that’s how I try to treat my friends too. I might be A’s friend but they are not my property. They’re free to do anything else with others or be friends with anyone or like anything even when it’s someone or something that I don’t like. So I guess I want people to treat me the same way: giving me that kind of freedom, not restrict me, and obviously not being overpossesive.
But unfortunately, not everyone is like that. Some people think if you’re friends with them, then you cannot be friends with people they don’t like, otherwise they won’t be your friends or even label you as traitors. Sigh. Well, I understand if they are worried I’m going to tell the person they dislike about all bad things they told me, telling them they badmouthed them to me, but I’m not such a person. I keep things to myself. If you say bad things about A to me, it will stay with me, even when I actually don’t like A myself. And even if B says something bad about you, then I’ll keep it to myself, even if I actually don’t like B. There are some cases where I would reciprocate, though, like when I am super mad at someone and then a friend tells me they are getting super mad at them too, then I’ll be like, “I know how you feel. I can relate to that. You’re not the only one, and clearly you’re not the problem.” But this case is rare because, again, I really don’t like sticking my nose into something that is not my business. I don’t like prying on others’ affairs or someone’s relationship with others. (Abusive and toxic relationship is a different case).
I might have posted about it before. Maybe I simply don’t have what it takes to be a good friend, but I think I always try my best to support and help my friends in a way that I can, except when it comes to their relationship with others. I mean, just because we’re friends, I don’t want your problem with Z to become mine. My relationship with Z will be my business and mine alone, and I will take care of it myself. I’ll try myself to not hurt both of you and not turn you against each other, but not by breaking my friendship with either. Just because we’re friends, I don’t want my problem with Y to become your problem. Your relationship with Y is yours to take care of and deal with. You don’t have to stay away or break your friendship with Y just because you don’t want to hurt my feelings or something, especially if being friends with Y actually makes you happy. I might be childish and selfish but I’m not that immature.
So yeah, I guess that’s how healthy friendship should be. After all, we can clique with different people for different reason. I mean, I don’t have a circle or such things, but surely I know who to talk about what when I need it. I can talk about my traveling hobby with A, I can talk about anime with B, I can talk about my Korean heartthrob with C, I can talk about politics or more serious stuff with D, I can talk about religion with E, etc. And if A or B or C has a problem with D or E, I don’t want to get involved.
Yeah, I don’t want to have only one friend who shares everything in common. It might be great if we can talk about various topics (traveling, anime, dramas, politics, etc.) with one person, but sometimes it is not enough for me. I love to have my own world, a space where I can keep to myself, and share only with a few. That way it would always be interesting-and thrilling-when I find that we actually share something else in common. Then I can see that thing from a new perspective, from a different point of view. For example, I talk about anime with A and talk about politics with B. But then I find that B actually loves this anime that I watch. Won’t you think it would be great to see B’s views on it? Perhaps with his political knowledge, view, or something? It’s like we can explore so many things from different views and that way we can keep on learning. Having a circle and not allowing ourselves to be friends with others outside that circle would be too hard-and perhaps boring-for me.
But, well, maybe I get to think this way because I don’t like badmouthing others to others. I mean, sure I do talk about my problems, but I scarcely mention a name. I actually keep talking about ABCD here and there, but again, I usually focus on the “what” part, not the “who” part. I want to discuss the problem, not the person. Often I talk about someone, but nobody can actually know who I am talking about, and that’s how I want it to be. People change for better or worse, my feelings can change too, but the problem is different. So sometimes I wonder, if someone gets really upset with me because I get close to someone they dislike, are they actually worried I’m going to choose that someone and not them? But I mean, being friends with such people who loves to badmouth ABCD to us is kinda concerning in my opinion. I mean, if they can tell you bad things about ABCD so easily, who can guarantee that they won’t tell others bad things about you behind your back in the future? It’s kinda worrisome, right? It’s a different thing if they talk about things they don’t like without mentioning ABCD. I guess? Or do I sound like making a lame excuse to justify what I usually do?
Well, I guess that’s all for now. The point is: human relationships are like chemistry. We are both same and different. When we get along well with B and C, we cannot expect B and C to also get along well with each other. When we don’t get along with B and C, there is no guarantee that B and C actually get along well. There is also that possibility that B and C do not get along well either. That’s because “the chemical reactions” happening between us and B, us and C, and B and C can be different, even though we share something in common with each of them. Hence, don’t try to force others to get along with someone or to not get along with someone. Over time, we all will find who we can get along with and who we cannot get along with ourselves without restriction from others.
But, well, again, it’s my personal theory. And to appear smart and make sure I don’t mess with the chemistry part, I browsed Google to recall what I learned in my Chemistry classes in high school. But of course you know I’m actually not that smart. But isn’t it amazing? The “transactive memory” in the presence of technology. You forget something, and you can always retrieve it.
But anyway, take this post with a grain of salt. I’m sure some of you can have your own theory. Have a nice weekend 🙂