As you might have known, I love Hey! Say! JUMP. And, while I usually use my real social media account to fangirl over my idols, this time I decided to create a separate account especially to fangirl. I don’t feel like using my original accounts because my account is full of trash: my rants on (politic) issues of my country that has nothing to do with the fandom and such, and I don’t want to feed my fellow fans with something like that. Besides, my original account doesn’t really post about my idols so I create a separate account to anticipate interaction with other fans in peace and more comfortably. Yes, I’m that serious. However, I cannot say that the account is fake or altered because everything I write/say there, my feelings I pour over there, the happiness I feel, the responses I give to others I follow or who follow me there, etc. everything of it, all of it is real and genuine. Nothing is fake. What makes it look fake might be the fact that I don’t use my own name or picture. But it’s still me! I use the pseudonym that I like, I use the picture that I draw myself. Nothing of it is fake. But, well, enough with the excuses, let’s write something related to the title of this post. Hhe
I might have said it before, but I really find this fandom wonderful. This fandom is pretty diverse but we can respect, love, and support each other focusing on the idols we love, not minding the “differences” that we might have. And it’s not only people who love Hey! Say! JUMP. It’s also people who love other idols, even KPop stans who also love JPop. As I interact in this account, I always think to myself, won’t it be wonderful if the “real world” is also like this? We focus on what we like, we focus on the similarity we have instead of problematizing our differences? Nobody feels superior. Nobody feels the need to look down on someone because they’re white, black, people of color, etc. or even new. Nobody bashes you for coming from a certain country. Nobody abandons you because you have different sexual orientation or preference. Nobody fears you because of your religion. Nobody underestimates you because they think you’re too young. Nobody avoids you because they think you’re too old. None of it. All we know is we’re full of love, we love these idols, we share the same love for them, let’s get excited together, let’s be happy together, let’s respect one another and cherish them together. Really, if we could just do that in the real world, I think the world would be much more peaceful.
Well, I understand that the opposite might happen when we have a very toxic fandom, like fighting each other just because we fangirl over different idols (maybe you can read my other post for reference (here!)), but I’m talking about the positive one here. I see a white girl, a black one, POC, American, Moroccan, etc. and we get along really well. We don’t mock someone for making typos or English grammatical mistakes. We simply try to understand each other. Some people seem gay, some are obviously straight, but we really have no problems with that. In fact, we treat each other really well. We apologize if we think we might inconvenience the others. We thank them for anything they share with us. We respect each other’s space, that’s what impresses me. We encourage each other supposed they seem to be down about their real-life problems. We think of each other as friends albeit knowing so little about one another. It’s all because at least we know that we share that one similarity: the love we have for our idols.
And if you know me, sometimes I get so awkward trying to get close to or be friends with new people. Even though it’s my separate-for-fangirling account, it’s still the whole me with my personality that is present in the account. Sometimes I do feel insecure because I know I’m new and that others might know more about my idols. Sometimes I’m afraid that I look too conceited or arrogant or even too friendly talking or commenting about my idols when in reality maybe I’m just being overly excited and happy. Sometimes I’m afraid they’re gonna hate or dislike me. Some people do follow me back and it somehow makes me nervous ‘cause I’m afraid if they know more about me, they’ll hate me. And I hate myself for thinking that way, it’s like I don’t trust them enough to treat me the same. (Hey guys, if somehow you read this and think, “Wait, is this the one of that account?” Well, maybe, I’m sorry). But, really, they treat me really nicely. Sometimes I encourage them trying to support them, complimenting them with their writing, appreciating their posts, reminding them about not pushing themselves too hard for fangirling if they cannot afford it, etc. (Read my previous post for reference). But, oh, they all accept it in a positive way. They respond nicely. Nobody gets offended or butthurt. We’re trying our best to be polite and understanding towards each other. Some of them even thanked me for saying good things about them. Look, I know I’m good at words. I know what to say to flutter people. I have that capability. But just because I can, it doesn’t mean I sugarcoat what I say to win over them. Not at all. I say it because that’s how I truly feel. And oftentimes, I say it because that’s what I want or need to hear if the situation was reversed or if I was in their shoes. Hence, knowing how much what I said mean to them really makes me happy. Somehow it makes me feel worthy, thinking, “Look, I just made someone happy.” It really makes me happy because I’ve been in constant fear that I actually upset everyone with my words because, well, I know I have such a sharp tongue, but I don’t like “lying”. So, well, to know that the truth I said genuinely actually became some kind of positive encouragement for someone truly makes me happy 😊 (PS: I know this is not the first time I get positive responses for what I say, some people around me in my real life sometimes thank me too for what I say. But I just need to stress it here because here we’re talking about “strangers”, people that I really don’t know or who I know only via Hey! Say! JUMP fandom).
Well, I’m feeling bad actually. I feel like a coward for not revealing my age, my country, my religion, etc. But I don’t want people to have either prejudice or expectation based on that info. Prejudice is not nice, expectation is burdensome. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder, if they knew those info, will they still think of me the same? Will they still interact with me the way they have been interacting with me? But again, at least for right now I still don’t see the need to reveal that much about myself. What they need to know is only that I love Hey! Say! JUMP like they do, that I’m glad and grateful to know them in the fandom, and I really love them for the way they are. (Hey, guys, if you somehow read this, I really mean every word I say! Every one of you is precious and I really love you❤😊).
Anyway, going back to the topic about United Fandom: Where World peace might Begin, you might think I’m exaggerating, but hey, don’t you also think it’s possible? We come from different parts of the world, with different backgrounds and values, we’re pretty diverse yet we can be united under the same fandom. We can be united peacefully with the same love we have towards our fandom. I think it’s wrong to underestimate the power of fangirling in uniting people with diverse backgrounds because, look, I’m sure that it’s not just about Jpop fandom. Don’t we see people fanboying over football or certain sports come to unite albeit having different backgrounds or values? So why don’t we focus on these things? Why do we focus on differences and imposing them on others? World peace cannot be achieved by getting rid of the differences and making everyone the same. World peace can be achieved by accepting and respecting the differences for the sake of a common goal we want: peace.
But anyway, aside from that, as I join the fandom, it dawns on me that we can definitely choose to be nice instead of being an asshole. And this question might be directed at myself instead of others: if we can choose to be nice, why do we often choose to be rude or jerky?
But, oh, I don’t know what else to write. But, if miracle happens, and somehow you guys, those I follow and follow me on my fangirling account, I’m sorry for not revealing my real name and background, but, you may believe it or not, it’s still the real me and I’m truly thankful to be in the same fandom with you guys. 🙏🙇♀️❤
PS: Seeing how everyone in the fandom is and how happy they are when I show appreciation for their posts, I’m getting more convinced that people, regardless of who we are, just want to be accepted, understood, and loved for the way we are. In the “real world” (gotta quote this phrase because the fandom world is also real), many of us might often feel neglected or rejected for being ourselves, sometimes we’re seen as weird for loving what we love. Sometimes we cannot find friends who share the same excitement towards what we love. Sometimes we have to hold back a lot. And oftentimes, it makes us feel worthless. Hence, many make an escape in the fandom world because they feel accepted, understood, and loved there. They feel like finding friends or someone who can understand them and that makes them happy. I’m just hoping that the happiness they get could extend to their “real world”, making them happy with their real life, and not turning it into a mess. Because no matter how real the fandom world is, at the end of the day we’ll have to deal with other responsibilities, and like I wrote before, if we don’t manage well and if we get too carried away in the fangirling world, our life will be a mess. And, I read this somewhere, it said: “Being happy is different from being distracted from sadness temporarily.” And it struck me. I’m afraid that many of us are just being distracted in the fangirling world. That’s why I sincerely hope everyone can be truly happy outside the fandom life…
PPS: I first drafted the above paragraphs on January 21, but now I feel like I have to add this. As I have been in the fandom this long, I really feel bad for not revealing my real self in relation to my age, nationality, religion, etc. It’s just 2-3 months but I think it’s long enough to feel attached to my friends there. So now I’m feeling a bit scared because now I kinda want them to know these info so I can share more with them, and especially because I love them. Yes, when I love someone, I kinda want them to know things about me, so I can be convinced that it’s really because they know me, not because they haven’t found out the real me. And, it’s hard to hold back and not to share certain things because it’ll reveal those info I didn’t want them to figure out. But if they find those info about me, I’m afraid they’d think I’ve deceived them. I’m afraid they’d think I am fake. I’m afraid they’d hate me. Like, some of my mutuals are actually Indonesians. Some are Muslims, and some are in their thirties too like me. This means I can actually understand when they tweet in Indonesian. I can also relate when they tweet about being in their thirties, etc. Yet, I pretend I didn’t understand because I don’t want them to know. Am I not the worst? I guess it can’t be helped if they hate me and won’t forgive me? Or should I give it a try? Like asking if they’d be okay if I reveal myself? Or maybe I’m just problematizing things? Maybe they won’t care about it at all? Or do you think it’s too late now? Why should I be this insecure? I don’t know, but, still, I’m sorry 🙏🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️ But, please, let me know what you think 🙏🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️
