Self-motivation

Loneliness: Are you lonely?

Some time ago my friends praised me for doing well albeit living alone far away from my family, from my country. Previously, she asked me about loneliness.

B: jUwa, how do you deal with loneliness?
A: Loneliness? Hmm I don’t know. I’m kinda introverted so I enjoy being by myself. You know I’m not really a social person. I love some solitude.

Me at Mount Ijen, Indonesia.

Now that I think of it… What is loneliness? Feeling empty? Alone? I think we can still feel lonely even when we are in the crowd, and personally I feel more lonely when I am with friends or people but I feel ignored. Not that I demand attention, but it feels like there’s no point being with people when you aren’t engaged or involved with what they’re doing or talking about. And maybe that’s why I prefer being by myself, at home, alone, enjoying my solitude. The thing is that I often feel being like an outcast, or outsider, when I am with people. Of course I know that they don’t mean to make me feel that way. Still, I can’t help feeling that way. I try my best not to make it awkward, but to me, it still feels awkward and of course I don’t want to spoil the fun so it kinda makes me feel bad, and I don’t want others to feel like that. Or maybe it’s simply because I’m introverted (though I don’t really like labeling myself like that. I’d prefer me to be able to adjust to any situation: alone or with people).

Anyway, back to feeling lonely and loneliness, I think at some points of time everyone will feel it, no? How you deal with it is just a kind of “temporary distraction”, how you enjoy yourself: alone or with people. Loneliness comes from within. We cannot really get rid of it instantly; we, however, can have some “distractions”. This distraction can be different from person to person. Those who love hanging out with people, it’s their distraction. By the time they’re alone, then they feel lonely again. But the distraction doesn’t have to always be being with people. Even alone we can still distract ourselves. For instance, someone feels lonely, but then she loves cooking, watching drama, etc. and she focuses doing all of that on her own, she enjoys it and for a moment forgets her loneliness. Then after she’s done with all of that, she’s back to feeling empty. Different distractions. Loneliness, just like other feelings, is a race, a competition with time. It’s there, you can’t help it, but you can always distract yourself with other stuff as time passes. Once you master the art of distracting yourself from unwanted feelings, enjoying stuff you’re doing on your own, you know you don’t have to always be with people for that. If you’re comfortable with yourself, you can always do what steals your focus from those fluctuating emotions. No?

Me at Chandelier Drive-Thru Park at Legget, CA. Winter Trip. Dec 21, 2015.

Do I feel lonely? Sometimes, yes, maybe. I’d be lying if I said I don’t. I see friends hanging out with friends I know and I wonder why I am not in the picture. I wish I could enjoy being with people like them. I see friends traveling with their loved ones, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, etc. and I wonder, maybe, it would be nicer if I also have one. I’m not sure if it counts as loneliness or sadness, but that feeling of discomfort and wishing to have what you don’t have might be similar.

But no worries, I have my own distractions. I can cook. I can write on my blog. I can post picture to my Instagram. I can read books/novels. I can watch movies or dramas. I can watch anime, too. And so forth. Then time passes, I forget all about my loneliness. Maybe that’s how good I am at distracting myself. Not sure if it is kinda escaping my “real problems”, but whatever it is, I need to survive, on my own, and not rely too much on people’s presence.

Anyway, hope you can deal with your loneliness. We all deserve to be happy, so I’m really hoping that I can more and more people become happy. It gives me happiness to see people’s happiness 🙂

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