Married and A Twin – and Another Story

Me at Muir Wood National Monument, 2016.

Last night, I had a very sweet dream. I got married to a very kind and nice guy 😊 I didn’t know who he was. I couldn’t remember his face either. But in my dream, we had already got married. I didn’t remember there was a wedding. All I remember is that I lived happily with him. He treated me gently. He tended to me just rightly. He was an ordinary guy, I supposed. He was kind, nice, sweet, and humble. He was cool and handsome. He was fun, too. I didn’t know what he did to make me think of him that way. It’s just how I felt about him. All I knew was that, with him, I felt content. I felt enough. I felt warm.

I remember after work, when he went home, he made me feel like he’d been missing me all day. He made me feel worthy and needed – and of course, loved. And, oh, don’t ask me how we got to this scene, but I was pregnant, with a twin, no less. He seemed very happy. I seemed very happy myself. We seemed to love the babies so much even before they were born.

He took me for a walk. We walked hand in hand, holding hands. We smiled a lot. Occasionally he’d put his hand on my belly and rub it, to feel the babies. I did, too. It felt like we had been looking forward to them. And we could feel the babies moving too as if responding to our affection. I felt really blessed. But this came the weird part. He was wearing a scarf. We took a cart, something like a stroller, and we walked near a train/bus station. This, I didn’t understand. I knew I was always thinking even when I was dreaming, but it just didn’t make any sense. I mean, I didn’t remember we were shopping. And the twins had not been born yet, so why the cart? Why the stroller? And a scarf, a train/bus station? Just where were we? But I guess that’s why the dream ended right there. I just thought too much.

When I woke up, I still felt happy; I still felt warm. I couldn’t remember his face or his name, but I remember feeling so loved. I think to myself, well, if I don’t get married in my life, at least I have got married in one of my dreams 😊 And I was happily married to a good guy. I couldn’t ask for more. And I don’t know; I often fantasized and wrote about my fantasy and parallel universe. I think, maybe, the me in another universe was trying to send me a message saying that she was happy 😊 I’m thankful for this dream. And actually, I kinda wished to continue dreaming about it. I wonder how my life in my dream would be. I wonder how lovely the twins would turn out to be. I wonder how our life would be after that. It made me happy just thinking about it. But, well, as I had said. I just woke up even before I gave birth to the twins, and even if I went back to sleep, there was no guarantee that the dream would continue. It might be just one of those random dreams, but this one happened to be very sweet.

I wonder why I dreamed it, though. I hesitated writing about it here as well. I was worried people would think that’s because I wanted to get married. I don’t think I’m that desperate. And I honestly don’t want people to think of me that way. It just freaks me out. I mean, I’m fine on my own. Well, it’s true that now and then I think it would be nice to have someone in love with me, to have someone care for me in a way different from my family and friends. But it doesn’t have to be that way either. But maybe this is because the other day someone said something about wanting to introduce me to someone with the intention of “who knows he’s the one”. I always find it creepy.

Me at Chandelier Drive-Through Tree Park, 2016.

I understand that some people might pity on me for having no boyfriend, not even somebody having a crush on me, etc. Sometimes they think maybe they could introduce me to someone, who knows we find match with each other, etc. Truthfully, I understand them, and I can’t really get mad or upset with them. I appreciate their good intention. I accept the sentiment, but to be honest, I don’t know how to handle it. I mean, I always cringe whenever someone says they want to introduce me to someone with that intention. For me, it just doesn’t feel right. That’s not how I want my love story to begin.

I mean, you can always introduce me to someone just normally, like when we’re in a party and we meet more friends that not everyone knows, then we introduce everyone so that we get to know each other? Well, something like that. Normal. No any other intention. I mean, let fate decide what happens afterwards. However, when someone tells me something like, “I’d like to introduce you to ABCDZ, who knows you guys end up falling in love with each other and getting married, etc….”, well, for me, it’s just too much. It pisses me off. Quite the contrary, when they do something like that, I would never look forward to being introduced to the guy. It’s like my heart subconsciously and automatically builds a barrier, something like a wall, something that will always remind me to not get involved any further with the guy. “Nah, he’s not the one.” “Nah, you don’t and won’t like him.” That’s what I’ll be telling myself. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m kinda a “rebellious” or “defiant” type? I just don’t like getting told like that. I love when things happen unexpectedly in a nice way. I call it fate. So when people think they want to give me a chance to develop a romantic relationship with the guy they introduce to me by telling me that “maybe he’s the one”, the effect is the opposite: they take away that very opportunity. I simply hate it. It makes me nervous and tense – and nauseous. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. Some people would say that they’re just joking. Problem is, that’s not something I would love to joke about. I don’t like playing with feelings. I guess I’m too scared for that.

But, anyway, it’s my problem. I don’t want to blame anyone for that either. But, maybe, by writing this, I hope that who knows some people would read and come to understand better. And, oh, let’s get back to the dream that I wrote here. I feel thankful for the dream. I feel grateful for the man I married in my dream. I hope, if I do get married later, I will marry such a good guy. And oh, in case the dream continues, remind me to write it here again 😊

PS: That dream might be because I have watched too many Japanese movies/anime lately in order to procrastinate and avoid doing my final papers. *Sigh

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