Being single: “How can you be okay?”

Me in Netherlands, Summer 2018.

Some time ago a friend saluted me for being able to be fine and look okay while being single. She asked, “How can you be fine without a man or a boyfriend?” I was confused at that time. I wasn’t sure how to answer it. 😂😂😂 I mean, “Can’t you?”, “Why can’t you?” But, well, maybe I’m just used to it and I’m somehow fine. I mean, I’ve never dated in my life so I can’t tell the difference between being single and having a partner. While I’m being single, I’m doing fine, so I see nothing wrong with it. (I’ll try not to talk about religious reasons for it though they are partly the reasons why I survive being single.) But, well, I know it’s too much to say I don’t need a man. I do value men. It would be a lie if I said I don’t want a man in my life. Once in a while I always think it must be nice to have someone care for me in romantic ways, I mean, someone like a boyfriend or a husband. When I think about this, I guess I’ll be a spoiled partner. I mean, I’ve never dated in my life, so when I think of having a romantic partner, my imagination is sort of like those puppy-love things, something that many people might consider childish and immature. You know: get surprises, a flower, chocolate, ice cream (though I prefer money actually. Haha ^^), or do things like ride a roller coaster, go see a movie, hold hands, back hug, a kiss on the forehead, and all those things that make my heart flutter. (Yeah, I might have watched too many movies and dramas. Haha) And I know that those things might never happen. At this age, when we talk about love, some people often refer it to sex only. Well, I know it’s part of it, too, but often times, I think it’s the small things that make it sweet, and if we just think of it, we have 24 hours a day, just how much of it will you spend having sex? So, again, for me love is more than that. But, well, again, I know it might never happen to me anyway, I’ve got no luck in love. But, well, at least I can make it happen in my head ^^ And by the way, I used to write fictions, and I kinda inscribe my imaginations there. I posted it in my old blog, you can read it here. (Click it, or, should I create a new category and repost it in this blog? O.o)

One way of enjoying a single life: explore the nature and take lots of pictures! I mean, get more experience ^^ This one was taken in Indonesia 🙂

Anyway, back to being single. I don’t know. As you can read it, I do think of having a partner sometimes, but well, if I were to be in such a relationship, I want that person to love me, and I want to love him, too, but nobody does, so I guess it just turns out to be this way. I mean, I tell myself that though I might be bad at many things, I’m a survivor and will always be, so I make do with what I have, not with what I don’t, and I try to make the most of it. Well, sure I want someone like Lee Dong Wook. Haha But, I mean, God might not grant us everything we want, but I believe He gives us everything we need, so maybe now He thinks that I still don’t need it and maybe I’m just not ready for it, i.e. having a romantic partner 😬🙈✌️ Well, I’m just trying to enjoy my life. Later when I have a partner, I’ll enjoy it. Now that I’m single, I want to enjoy it too. If I keep on stressing out about not having a partner, my life will be ruined. I’m stressed enough with my study already, I don’t want to make it worse. 🙈😅 ✌️ And maybe it’s a good thing. I mean, now that I haven’t got a partner, I can focus on those who I love and love me. I might be single, but it doesn’t mean I’m loveless. I know my parents love me. I have my siblings and my friends, too. I can focus on making them happy and being happy with them. I mean, I consider myself a family person. Later when I’m married, I’d want to take care of my husband and my kids, and at that time, I might not have the same amount of time for my current family, so now that I’m single, I want to make the most out of it for myself and for them. Well, yeah, I know it’s different, and sometimes I do feel sad that I don’t have any romantic relationship. I see my friends with their partner looking so happy and while I’m truly happy to see it – and for them, sometimes I also feel sad that I don’t get to have it myself. But sadness is one thing. It is valid and legitimate, I won’t say the otherwise, but I cannot let it take over other emotions or other aspects of my life. I guess I just don’t like myself to be too “fixated” only on romance. If it comes my way, I’ll gladly accept it. If not, well, I have other things I can get myself busy and happy with 😊 And maybe (I love to entertain myself this way), after this long wait, perhaps when it happens, it will taste really sweet, and I can treasure it better 😊

But on a side note, I think it’s good to be independent while being single that way, so later when we find a partner, they’ll know that we decide to be with them not because we’re desperate, not only because we need them but also because we respect and want them. I guess people want and need to feel not only loved, but also wanted, needed, and respected. And when you’re independent, people can’t really abuse you or do as they please, why? Because they know that even without them, you’ll do just fine, and if they wrong you, you can just leave them. I guess, that way will make them cherish you more. Respect will also grow out of it, because, well, they know you’re with them not because you cannot live without them or because you need something from them, but because they know you value them more than just that. But, well, what do I know?

This one was taken in Yellowstone National Park, USA. Well, I’m not sure if I can still do things like this when I’m married later, so I try to do lots of it while I’m single ^^

And while we’re on this topic of being independent to avoid abusive partner, I guess I have to point this out. I think everyone, males and females, needs to be independent. That can be a good reason not only to avoid but also to leave a toxic/abusive relationship. We know that sometimes people choose to stay in an abusive relationship because they are “too dependent”, so they feel it’s better to stay in that relationship for they think they cannot live on their own and there might be nobody else to “replace” that partner. And some people keep on being abusive to their partner because they believe that no matter what they do, their partner will never leave them because they need them, either because they think they need that abusive partner or because they think their abusive partner needs them. It’s kind of complicated, but we can tell that respect and love isn’t mutual there. But I think in a healthy relationship, everything should be mutual – and equal. You’re no less than your partner. Your partner is no better than you. Well, true you might be better in something and they can be better in another and that way you guys complete each other. But it doesn’t mean one can dominate, underestimate, disrespect, and abuse their partner. So, be independent. Don’t depend on anyone but yourself – and God (if you’re a believer ^^).

Well, my post went astray^^ But if we talk about being single and how I can be okay, I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m okay; am I? Maybe I’m not. But then I’m also not sure if everything will get better once I have a partner. Every good thing that I imagine when having a partner is still a possibility; it’s not certain and there’s no guarantee (oh yes, we know that some people in a relationship can be unhappy and even suffer, it’s not only about the sweet things we see in movies). But all the good things that I have now is real; it’s my reality. So I guess at the meantime, I want to cherish that. I don’t want to get so engrossed on something I don’t have – just because I want it – that I neglect this present time. Is it easy? No, it’s not, of this I’m sure. But, well, I’m trying. And I’ll survive. That’s what I tell myself. What about you? 😊

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